One thing that used to vex me growing up was this problem of fitting into a larger society. I was growing up in a conservative, Biblebelt area of the U.S. and it seemed that the only three paths I was introduced to were bogus: Beauty pageant; The path of false fundamentalist religion; or the outcast "Freak". It was a quick study: No, no and, "fine, if I must." I didn't want to fit into any box but I recognized that the path I wanted to take fit only one of those which was the "Freak" category reserved for artists, gays, or otherwise moody individualists. We were the precursors to the "Emo" kids of today except we were lonelier and more isolated but we preferred that to the company of the pagaentess or the Jesusfreak.
The reason I bring this up is because there is a population of us ladies who some men (and women) like to characterize as "masculine" women (of course the inverse exists for men). I've had people characterize me in this way since I was a teenager and I've always eventually embraced it. In the beginning I worried about it because I wasn't sure what that meant for (you guessed it) my HAPPINESS in life.
Why did people call me "masculine" or "manly"? Good question! I think it was because of some very basic personality traits: Self-confidence coupled with the unwillingness to give ground to others (particularly men); Minimal interest in fashion, make-up and other wastes of time and money; Just plain not-giving-a-shit about others' opinions or so-called accepted ways of behaving; Not seeking approval; the list could go on but those are some basic ones. Oh, and the ever obnoxious one: Having an f-ing strong opinion on something and being able to argue it. And I guess this was particularly frustrating for some people because I look very feminine and am what is known as "pretty" (slim-ish, long hair, delicate and symmetrical features). Oh! What a disappointment to past hopeful suitors I was!!
At the root of this blog is the question of happiness and what makes us happy. I want to underscore that one major indicator of happiness is the freedom to make one's own choices. Thankfully, as a female born into a certain position in a certain country with certain role models and breeding, I have been able to take full advantage of having choices.
Once I googled "masculine women" and I got all this trash about how women shouldn't be like men, play sports, take risks, oppose their parents or husband- essentially be un-pretty. All this draconian mumbo-jumbo that makes good bedfellows with Islamic Wahhabism in Saudi Arabia- except that it's in the U.S. pedaled by Southern Baptists. Now, I am for people having their spiritual beliefs but my heart goes out to women and men growing up in a society of mental midgets (however small) in the U.S. who will have their happiness cut off (er, circumcised) even before they know it exists. I was smart when I was a teenager- I knew I would get out of a certain limiting society eventually and explore my freedom- and I just tolerated my situation and bided my time until I could leave and experience what I knew was out there.
Let's have a moment of silence to pray for those young people who will never know the happiness that comes from making choices: self-acceptance, self-confidence and trust, taking risks, and most importantly- making mistakes (with it's other side of the coin) experiencing successes! This is our destiny as fully actualized adults who can improve the world in all manner of big and small ways. Man-woman, black-white, gay-straight, animal-vegetable-mineral, all these multiplicities exist for a reason beyond pure science: To challenge us. For those who want to take away the challenge and belittle the richness of difference- you can disagree but get out of my way!
No comments:
Post a Comment